Hello beautiful friend. Get ready for some heart wrenching, truth seeking in your life. It breaks my heart to see so many women (myself included), constantly wishing the money would come so that you could buy that house, buy that property, buy that next new things that will make your life so much easier. As though our bliss comes from those things. Why is that our mentality? Why do we always say things will be better when XYZ happens… Why is our now so inadequate?
Well, girlfriend I am hear to tell you there IS something you can do to make your life better NOW! Not when that big tax return comes, not once all the mounding credit cards are paid off, not when you get that dream job, not once all the kids are in school, but now! Life is freaking hard yall, and I in no way am dismissing that. I still struggle on the daily with self educating and trying to be a better mother and wife. Just yesterday I broke down in the laundry room sobbing, because I seriously don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel with one of my children. The struggles with her each day are often more than I can handle, but here is the thing… I am her mother, I am the only one that is going to put forth the extra effort to help her work through these issues. I am the only one that is going to advocate for her health and say no to shoveling medications down her throat to ‘fix’ her. She doesn’t need to be fixed, she just requires a different style of parenting than my other girls.
Straight up I am NOT a super emotional person, I dont talk about my feelings, I dont talk to my kids about their feeling, I just expected them to follow my lead and push it all down. Unfortunately the more I learn, the more I realize that not only is that not healthy for adults, but it is even more harmful to kids. It forces them to not learn how to self regulate their emotions, before a hurricane sized tantrum happens. And Lord knows those have been happening a lot lately. All this to say that no matter what is going on within you, or within your family, or at work, it is entirely possible to view working in the crazies as a blessing and not a burden. For a long time I viewed my strong willed sensitive child as a hardship I had to overcome, when instead the growth within me that had to happen to help her should be viewed as a blessing. I am a better mother for her because of it, I am a better mother to my other girls because of it, I yell less because of it, and I am a more sane wife for my husband because of it.
I found an amazing quote from the Dalai Lama, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional”. Y’all, this one took me like a whirlwind. You mean suffering, pain, stress, anxiety, depression, it’s optional?!?!?! And most may disagree and that’s fine, but from my personal experiences with depression, anxiety and stress I know this to be true.
So how the heck are you suppose to actually apply this in reality? First, I want to to write out a list of your top things that are causing stress, that are causing anxiety, that are causing you to be unhappy? Dont think into this too much, I promise you won’t have to dig hard. Now from those things, I want you make a list of 3-5 things about each; that person, that job, the house; that you enjoy. List things that are positive, that are life-giving. This may take a minute. For me, my main thing was one of my girls, and thats all I wrote. I then listed 10 things that I loved about her, things she was good at, things that brightened my day because of her. Now, tape your list onto your bathroom mirror and read it EVERYDAY, every time you go in there, read it. OUTLOUD. I believe with everything in me that when you speak life over your kids, your life, your problems, great change will come.
You may think it sounds so silly, but give it a try. Give it a solid week, and let me know what happens. I would love to share with you in your victories, no matter how small. You’ve got this mama.